I hate the way I’m so vulnerable to everything little thing you do or say. I hate it. I hate it so much
So… I didn’t notice the border until I got home. Sneaky, Mr.Boyfriend , very sneaky. I see what you did there. Asking without actually asking. But I tell you this much, It is not hard to surprise such an oblivious girl… -_- haha
Jan 26th, 2013
Today my first boyfriend met and hung-out with my family…well ish because they were all kinda doing their own thing trying to not make me feel awkward since this was the first time in my life I ever brought a guy “home” even though it was to a restaurant lounge type place. I was so happy Nadine showed up! She is always busy and can never really make it to anything, but, I’m glad she was there. I’m glad everyone was there! I felt so bad that babe had to wait…by himself, for the longest time. He is very punctual and that is admirable, however my sister is not. SOO… he waited a loooong,looooong time. I called him. For the first time. Ever. And I really enjoy hearing his voice. It’s so mellow and strong and I don’t even understand why it soothes me so much. WEIRD.But once we did arrive there, mom and Fabi went in while I stayed out to call/look for him. And he waked outside to where I was and just had such a radiant smile and I melted into his arms, and laid a peck upon his neck. He said” Hi,babe, you’re gonna squish it.” He got me a rose. A beautiful rose for no reason at all. I didn’t care who saw it, I just had to kiss him to express my gratitude. And I did. Small and quick, I knew this would be the last one of the night.
I knew the whole family was making constant judgements of him, but I wasn’t worried. Not only is he great-looking, he is also loving, caring, playful, friendly , polite and funny. There is no way not to like him. My little nephew was a total bipolar little boy tonight. He liked Patrick, but Patrick had his favorite Aunty’s attention, so he didn’t want to like him.
He started out all grumpy but by the end of the night could not leave Patrick along. He invited Pat to the dance floor and he went. He watched David dance…he was trying to impress Patrick, since he is an actual dancer and blah, blah, blah. And then he started teaching Matt how to break-dance, and started encouraging and dancing with the kids and that is when I knew for sure…I loved him.It like it all clicked and made sense and it was such an amazing feeling that washed over me. I no longer cared about my vulnerability, or my strangeness or anything. I knew I loved him and for some STRANGE reason, he loved me. And that is a scary thought…but how lucky am I that at least for this moment in time, this feeling is Mutual, it’s beautiful. It is my first experience in romance and I could not be happier that Patrick is the first to teach me and grow with me in this essential part of life. God, I could not thank you enough for letting our paths cross.
If I prefer to spend time with you more than i do my laptop and tumblr, you better feel fucking special.
Hey guys :) So today is a BIG day for me! I will be competing to represent my college with 3 other people. We will later compete at stage level and the winner gets a new car and scholarship money!!! I worked hard and am very excited! Please pray for me and send your positive energy my way! Thank you so much!!! <3
I completely understand where you’re coming from. I can’t lie and say I have never felt that way. In fact, its stupid how much this describes how I feel about my life 12093810% of the time. :/ And it sucks.
I will just say what my mom and friends always tell me and I will add some more things that I find revalent. :D
" You’re beautiful and you’re talented. The fact that you don’t see it just means your standards of beauty are too high. The fact that you feel you’re not good enough is because you are good at many things; therefore don’t know exactly what you want to do. You show perseverance and humbleness in the fact that you try to help out whenever you can. What isn’t fair is that feeling you’re feeling. That feeling should go away. You help out those who need you and that makes you more beautiful than you can imagine. "
You have pureness and beauty in your heart, I just wish it wasn’t crying and hurting. I wish I could make it stop. <3 Feel free to talk to me anytime on anon or not. I admire your strength.